Who will enlighten them that "making friendship" is not akin to switching on the light or indulging in physical exercise! And Friends also cannot be purchased in a market like pumpkin milk or chicken! And the less said about the Facebook "friends" the better who are more concerned about increasing their "Friend" list with their only desire being increasing "Likes"!
Friends, according to the true definition, is a much much greater concept than mere "Good morning" Greetings received everyday in WhatsApp or a smile laced with lip service of "Kaemon Aacho"!
Friends are actually those who will rush towards you on getting enlightened of any emergency situation - - heard directly from you or from others with or without your asking for help.
And so actual friends cannot be artificially made. Rather Friendship happens naturally or organically without any special effort too.
As per the definition of the "mainstream", I am almost "friend-less"! So often I have been exhorted to "make Friends"! But how will it happen!
Vividly getting remembered of a January evening of 2019 with residents of our Block organising a New Year gathering-cum-snacks-cum dinner on the rooftop. Though I don't have personal enmity or grudge against anybody, though I am in formal or smiling terms with them; but never can I succeed in "making them my friends" and vice versa!
After all there must be a common factor which can bind two hearts! Now does there exist a single common factor between them (full-fledged "mainstream") and myself (residing in the exact opposite pole of thought)! As I reached the venue much later than others, I witnessed one half of the roof lighted and covered under shamiana with the ladies, senior citizens and children positioned there. The other half is more or less dark with residents of my age-group in attendance. As I approached the semi-dark area, I noticed almost everyone in a "drinking" mood! No, never do I treat the alcohol "connoisseurs" as necessarily "Bad" or the teetotallers as necessarily "Good"! But, being lethargic to drinks, I cannot join them in the "action" also; thereby hitting the first "cultural barrier"! And what was being discussed! Price and quality of various brands of alcohol, who has tasted which brand in Germany, who has received which Australian brand as a gift !
Now the topic jumps to cars! Latest models, which car gives what mileage! How one of them, after finishing work in the IT sector around 10 pm, straightway had driven non-stop to a jungle resort hundreds of kms away around midnight! Another brags how he managed to control his speedy car on a highway after negotiating a sudden bump! And myself remaining mum on hearing such meaningless discussion and beating of one's own "heroic" trumpet!
Now one of the heavy drinkers has got more intoxicated and started losing control over his tongue! Extremely agitated, the red-eyed neighbor (otherwise a "Bhadralok" apparently) starts demanding answers "How can a Muslim gain entry in a flat of our residential complex"! Indeed hasn't our all-Hindu complex of several thousands population got "polluted" with the arrival of a single Muslim family! Of course in a "normal" state of mind he wouldn't have openly asked this question! But his "opening" of the tongue in an uncontrolled state clearly reflects his staunch communal mindset!
And after a series of other ridiculous topics, incomes, that subject which is inevitable in any Bengali adda or gathering irrespective of economic social political background of the assembled ones (be it in intoxicated state or not) - - BANGALI BASHING!
We are aware of the tale of "Gorur Rochona" (essay on Cow) whereby the school boy finally arrives at the description of the Cow - - - even if he has been asked to write an essay upon Rabindranath Tagore, Himalayas or Hobby --- "Tagore was a poet who used to love milk of Cow very much ... Cow is a 4-legged animal with 2 horns and a tail ... "!
Similarly the "Cow" to be invariably milched by the Bengalis in slightest of opportunity remains the community of their own Mother! Bengalis are lethargic and don't work, Bengalis are extremely proud who always belittle the non-Bengalis and go on and on! I wonder if Bengalis do not work, who offer them free Langar day in and day out - - Biharis Marwaris Gujaratis Punjabis or Tamils! And indeed Bengalis are such a "Naak-Unchu" community that by discarding all norms of Bangla language culture Tagore Nazrul Rabindrasangeet Satyajit Ray; they have fully immersed their identity to all things Hindi Bollywood Khaini Panparag Chaath Dhanteras Ram Navami Hanuman Jayanti and dirty communalism imported from the Northern Western Central states of India! And I had made a late entry to the roof-top only after gyration to obscene Bollywood songs came to the final stop after hours (with the participants being men to women, 4-year old boy to 64-year-old senior citizen, student to retired, Engineers to Businessman)! Yet I have to hear right at that very spot that Bengalis are a "much proud" community always treating others as "inferior"!
No, my dead body will also not succeed in making them "Friends", neither can they find a "Friend" in me because "Oh, East is East and West is West/And never the twain shall meet" (Rudyard Kipling)! Yes two hearts can never mingle despite maximum effort if the respective mindset remains poles apart!
Now the other side of the "Friendship Coin"!
On my date of joining the office more than 25 years ago, I was seated among 2 newly introduced colleagues in a particular room. One of the occupants of the room entered and while approaching his seat, noticed the new face in me. After asking my whereabouts, he advised me to approach the office through a particular mode which will reduce my monthly expenses of travel up to a significant extent. I got much impressed by this selfless gesture of the man in this selfish self-obsessed society and also cruel enough to have fun at woes suffering loss of others. With passage of days and months, more I was seeing the man, more surprised was I getting just because of unbelievable similarity on viewpoint on every possible issue with the greatest surprise from my side (and surely from his side also) that he is an ardent admire of Sourav Ganguly also just like myself. Yes at that period of time (early 2000s) Sourav was at his best both as batsman and captain. Yet the community of "Crabs" named Bengalis simply can't tolerate the success of their own tribe and so used to act their vulgar worst when it came to Sourav -- cruelly "celebrating" his dismissal in low score and clearly much anger and frustrated over his century! Yes, not only we formed the "Rarest of Rare" Bengalis in terms of acknowledging the greatness of Sourav as a cricketer and captain; we both are truly proud Bengalis, 100% secular, staunchly against casteism and class-consciousness (in terms of "blood" ancestry economy). We treat human beings as human beings by disregarding their professional academic degree, race, language, religion and even national affinity, And most importantly, we wield our pens whenever atrocities upon vulnerable people get witnessed anywhere under the sky.
So it is obvious that we would regularly share things, issues and happenings through face-to-face interaction, Whatsapp, emails and phone calls and simply I don't know when that Man turned into a true Friend! And yes that Friend who without my specific asking rushes to our residence during medical emergencies to physically help my own to get admitted in Hospitals or return home during release apart from visiting them in Wards/ICCU! Again without my asking, financial assistance as well. Be it during OPD visit or Death (literally from Hospital to crematorium to back home), River-side rituals to Shraddha ceremony -- his presence is inevitable , not merely as a formal passive participant, rather in active mode to the full guiding or helping in every possible step!
Of course those who form part of the "mainstream" have a lot of friends as their mindset matches the majority of the population. Those who swim opposite the "mainstream" tide have just a solo or hardly few friends as they form a stark minority in the society. So the call or sermons of "MAKE FRIENDS" is absolutely ridiculous to the extreme as Friends cannot be purchased, Friends can never be made intentionally; rather Friendship just happens without knowing only when two hearts meet on common ground.